To all the new ‘Ex-es’ in the City of Ibadan, see the tips to get over your heartbreak.

broken love

By Adesewa OLOFINKO

Hello my IB ladies and guys.

A number of us as adults and young adults are very familiar with the word ‘heartbreak’. While you might be lucky not to have gotten yours broken in relationships that left you feeling sorry, a number of us haven’t been able to pull it off, heart unscathed. And anyone who has been a victim of a heartbreak can describe the experience as traumatic and violating. Some of us even shut down entirely after several bad experiences at relationships going sour; unwilling to share any of the crumbs of our heart that might be left. But then do we know what that does to us, it shuts us out of the most beautiful thing in the world- LOVE!

Some of us are even willing to try out at love again, but we wouldn’t really know how to get out of our present state. Good news, you are not alone. Heartbreaks are common to all, we’ve all had our share. And here are points on how to have our life back.

1. WITHDRAW. By withdraw, I mean stay away from anything that will make you remember him/her. Like remove that favourite dress hanging in your closet- tuck it someplace in your box; clear your table of the flowers he’d sent in the past, stop wearing that favourite neck tie she got you, and yea, ease up on visiting favourite fun places/ locations that reminds you of him/her until you can start to pick up that broken heart pieces of yours. Let that EX be AXED from your conversations. Until you are strong enough to tell his story as one of life’s many lessons.

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2. GET BUSY. This is the easiest way to get your life back. Never stay idle to let your mind wander aimlessly until it settles on him/her. Oftentimes when we get really emotional,  we overlook the hurts we’ve suffered and still go ahead with making plans and taking steps to reconcile with our heartbreaker boy/girlfriend. We pick up our phones and say mushy stuffs like ‘I want you back in my life’. Honey, that is what idleness does to you. It gives the devil enough room to mess with your heart. On the contrary, gain positive energy to move on. Get involved in your passion, develop your gifting, explore your talent, acquire a new skill,  learn how to cook a new delicacy; Just anything to make you a better version of yourself.

3. AVOID PLAYING THE REBOUND. Rebound here simply means ‘using another person to get over your state of rejection and disappointment. A lot of us do this, and we end up setting ourselves up for another heartbreak. Then we wonder why life seem so unfair to us.  Stop taking your emotions from your ex and dumping it on another. You have little or no capacity to see objectively. Give yourself a break. Give it some time. There’s something known as ‘the healing process’. It could be a lot of work and painful, but it is a way of re-setting your heart and mind free of guilts, and hurts. Sometimes it could take weeks, months, and sometimes years; Yes, years. But in the end, you will be better for it.

4. KNOW HOW TO TAKE ADVICE. Just because you have been wearing the loud red lipstick since it came into vogue and nobody’s ever told you it’s not exactly your most flattering look does not mean you should ‘lock-up’ when someone thinks you should try another shade. What I am trying to say is, learn to take advice. Sometimes, you don’t see what every other person can see. Emotions has it ways of blinding us when we have no idea what to do with it. So, surround yourself with friends, people and mentors who love you enough to caution you when you are driving dangerously and blinded-ly on the highway of wrong relationships.  So when you pick your friends, pick people who are intuitive and with great self- worth. Even if you’re way less, they will drag you up with them.

Adesewa Olofinko is a freelance OAP and a writer. The slim diva enjoys talking, meeting people, loves snacking on grilled or peppered chicken, and loves to laugh. When she is not writing, she is either watching a movie, or chatting.

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